Whips, Leather and Chains! Oh My!
by Longing for Blood
Summary: This is a stupid, random, SiriusJames thing I'm doing. Might be slash, might not be, there's a possibility, hence the rating.
1. It qualifies as Kamasutra

Summary: This is a stupid, random, Sirius/James thing I'm doing. Might be slash, might not be, there's a possibility, hence the rating.  
  
Rating: R for language (sexual and other XD) and possibly some slash later on.  
  
A/N: Real sorry about not updating my other stories, and I'm also sorry to say I might be deleting all of them. I'm just never in the mood to update...this one's just random, it doesn't have a plot or anything, so...Oh, also sorry about the / / for italics...my stupid text program and stuff makes it so html files don't convert it to italics, and...well, yeah, whatever.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"PRONGS!" Sirius shouted, running into the dorm. His pants were unzipped, his shirt unbuttoned, and his skin sweaty. That told James alot. "Padfoot?" James said calmly, laying on his bed. "Huh?"  
  
"Kindly, from now on, do me a favor."  
  
"What?"  
  
"After a shag-fest, before coming into the dorm, zip your pants, button your shirt, and try to make it look like you haven't been doing anything Kamasutra."  
  
"I haven't been!"  
  
"No? What were you doing then?"  
  
"I was sixty-nining someone!"  
  
"Padfoot?"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"One, didn't need the image. Two, a sixty-nine qualifies as Kamasutra."  
  
"...Oh."  
  
James got up, closed the Quidditch magazine he'd been reading, and stared his best friend down. Finally, he asked, "So?"  
  
"So what?"  
  
"Who was it?"  
  
"Not saying."  
  
"You have got to be kidding me."  
  
"Nope...Okay, fine. It was that third year who's--"  
  
"Padfoot! You're seventeen and still doing /third years/?!"  
  
"She's hot! She made the moves! It isn't /my/ fault!"  
  
"You're such a bitch."  
  
"But I'm /your/ bitch."  
  
James's eyes widened. "You didn't just say that." Then both boys cracked up laughing. Sirius somehow managed to zip his pants, even though he couldn't do much for his shirt. James shook his head, finally standing up straight.  
  
"You are /not/ my bitch."  
  
"In denial, Prongsie?"  
  
"That's sick."  
  
"But you like it."  
  
"I do not!"  
  
"Bitch."  
  
"Only if you want me to be."  
  
This time it was Sirius's turn to look shocked...and rather stupid, too. "Um...James?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Are you sure you're straight?"  
  
"No."  
  
Sirius stared.  
  
"I meant yes!"  
  
"Sure you did."  
  
James stared at him blankly. 


	2. You love me

A/N: I took so damned long to update, didn't I? This one's just as pointless as the first, and if I didn't say it already, there's a hell of a lot of dialogue in this story...if that's what you want to call it...  
  
"Padfoot?"  
  
"Yes, Prongsie old buddy old pal?"  
  
"Tell me something."  
  
"Anything, my love."  
  
"First off, /don't/ call me your love, it makes people stare. Second of all, why are we in a closet?"  
  
"Oh, now wouldn't /you/ like to know."  
  
"Yes."  
  
Sirius gave him a suggestive grin. James shook his head. "You are one fucked-up individual, Padfoot."  
  
"I know, and you love me."  
  
"Not that way."  
  
"Oh, /so/ that way."  
  
"NOT THAT WAY!"  
  
"That way."  
  
"Not that way!"  
  
"You loooove me."  
  
"THAT IS SO WRONG!"  
  
"But my love, it feels so right."  
  
"Ugh! You're so perverted! How can I stand to be friends with you?"  
  
"Because you love me."  
  
"I walked right into that."  
  
"Yes, my love, yes you did."  
  
"Stop calling me your love."  
  
"Don't you want me anymore?"  
  
"Never wanted you to begin with."  
  
"Then what about last night?"  
  
"Yeah. What /about/ last night?"  
  
"I just want you to know I had fun."  
  
James stared at him blankly. 


	3. But Sirius Did it First

A/N: Ok, you know HP isn't mine, etc., etc.  
  
My reviewers!  
  
Magada Bridger: Thanks! I never think my fics are any good but so far no flames.   
  
Lily EvansPotterBlack: Yes, you sense right. I might do that for the entire fic or I might not, I dunno yet. Alright, I'll think about making it slash!  
  
Kurogane: I was having a blank-out. I'll try to make the chappies longer and update more often!  
  
---  
  
James ran into the dorm, which was void of everyone else but, of course, Sirius, and bounced on Sirius's bed. "SIIIIRIIIII!!!"  
  
Sirius rolled over and looked up at James. "Morning my love."  
  
"Not your love."  
  
"You are /so/ my love."  
  
"I am not!"  
  
"Too."  
  
"Not."  
  
"Too. I can do this all day you know."  
  
"Bitch."  
  
"But I'm /your/ bitch."  
  
"You used that one already."  
  
"You love me."  
  
"Used that one too."  
  
"I HATE YOU!"  
  
"HAH! If I'm your love you can't hate me!"  
  
Sirius jumped up and chased James around the room. James jumped over Sirius's bed and rolled under it. Sirius followed him.  
  
"Why are we under the bed?"  
  
"Cause we're horny."  
  
"I AM NOT HORNY!"  
  
"Then what's that?" Sirius asked, pointing to the front of James's pants.  
  
"Ummmm..."  
  
"That's what I thought."  
  
"Not horny."  
  
"You're horny for /me/."  
  
"EWWWW!!! NO NO NO NO NO!!!"  
  
"Okay then, I can always go get Moony..."  
  
"NOOOO!!!"  
  
"Peter."  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Stop yelling."  
  
"--OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..."  
  
"PRONGS, IF YOU DON'T STOP YELLING I'M GOING TO--"  
  
"--OOOOOOOOO--"  
  
Sirius kissed James. James obviously shut up, and his eyes widened.  
  
At this point, the dormitory door opened and Remus came in. "H'llo? Padfoot, Prongs? I thought I heard someone screaming..."  
  
Both Sirius and James refused to answer, but Remus heard movement. He knelt down and peered under the bed.  
  
"Ummm...Sirius, were you and James just /kissing/?"  
  
James would have stared at him blankly, but Sirius did it first.  
  
---  
  
A/N: Yes, yes, I know, too short! But y'know even the great and almighty (yeah right) Apricot-chan gets brain blockages sometimes! (Note to self: You can't have a brain blockage if you don't have a brain.)  
  
Anyways, review or I shall blow this story up into a million itty-bitty pieces! And if you want it to suddenly become serious and slashy, tell me or it will remain random and funny until the end of time!!! 


End file.
